Door-to-door diplomat Qureshi selling Afghan peace at affordable price

EVERYWHERE – The nation’s top door-to-door diplomat Shah Mahmood Qureshi is offering new packages for the business’s decades-old bestseller, Afghan peace. The nation, and the business, which has been the pioneer of door-to-door diplomacy, and a successful vendor of a product it has managed to monopolise, is now lowering its rates amid market saturation.

In this quest, Qureshi, who has been tasked with selling the product remolded in the Rawalpindi warehouse, is now knocking on every possible door to ensure the brand can muster as many buyers in these difficult times.

“The covid-19 pandemic has hit all businesses, including the entirety of the jihad industry. Indeed, while the manufacturers and riders have managed to find ways to deal with it, we the salesmen are the worst hit,” the door-to-door diplomat said, while talking to The Dependent, wielding Afghan peace in his hand suggestively asking for the scribe’s interest in the product.

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“However, collectively we’ve reached a marketing decision that necessitates lowering of prices and enhancing the visits to potential customers in order to ensure that the product doesn’t remain unsold,” Qureshi added.

The salesperson further revealed that the business is altering its sales pitch so as to attract as many potential customers as possible.

“Business analysts have long mistaken our product as one that can only be limitedly sold, or sold to the highest bidder alone,” he said.

“Our revolutionary marketing and branding stratagem allows us to sell it to multiple, often competing, customers. Now with the lowest prices in decades, everyone’s going to jump in! Are you sure you don’t want a peace of the action?” asked the salesperson while talking to this scribe.

Qureshi further revealed that the company’s chief executive officer and chief operations officer have both agreed to venture into e-commerce with an app all set to be launched to sell Afghan peace through digital channels.

“I’ll give you 79% off on your first purchase. Use the voucher code: DOLLARJIHAD.”

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The Dependent
The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.
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