Don’t know any general, says leopard in written statement

The Himalayan leopard known as Deeaitchay has, in a written statement submitted in Islamabad’s Sihala Police Station, said that he does not know any General of the Pakistan Army, serving or retired.

 

“I do not know any Lt General (retired) Akram or any other General who is being associated with me,” read the statement. “I am making this statement of my own free will and accord and have not been pressurised into making this statement.”

 

“I condemn the aspersions cast against members of the Pakistan Army,” it added.

 

On the issue of how it found its way to DHA, Deeaitchay said that it took public transport and then strolled inside the housing colony.

 

“It was here, that I got into an argument with a local over a petty issue and that altercation spilled out of control. I accept any and all responsibility.”

 

The leopard also took responsibility for seventeen burglaries committed in various parts of the federal capital.




The Dependent
The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

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