Youth should be encouraged to take murder blame for employer who will then leave them fortune after killing himself, say personal finance experts

The youth of the country should be encouraged by the public and private sectors to admit to murder by their employers who will, in turn, leave them their property by signing a legal document before blowing their brains out with a Glock.

These were the views of a panel of personal finance experts that convened at a seminar at a local hotel on Tuesday.

“We know that with rising inflation, it is tough to make ends meet,” said Saleem Hassan, an accountant and personal finance Instagram influencer. “Jobs are hard to come by and if one is lucky enough to even get even a good job, the salaried class isn’t really living it up. Even if you do earn a decent living, forget about savings.”

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“Business could be another option, but how to start a business without startup capital. Or even experience?”

“Therefore, the best way to earn a living and, indeed, achieve some savings, is to plead guilty to murder on behalf of your wealthy employer, even though he had not asked the youth to do so and had, in fact, sent over a good lawyer to help the youth out of the police lock-up,” he said. “The indebted employer, of course, will not forget this and will remember to sign over everything to said youth right before bumping themselves off.”

“I agree with this completely,” said Fatima Chaudhry, a Snack video dance/personal-finance influencer. “That way, when the youth gets out of jail – which is basically nothing worse than reading some Jaun Ailia and Khaled Husseini in a well-lit cell – they can go to the ridiculously large mansion that is now theirs, in a convoy of SUVs.”

“It’s really just about the only viable and believable way for the permanent underclass of this country to punch up.”

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The Dependent
The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.


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